How to Make Friends as an Adult: A Practical Guide

As children, we make friends almost by accident. We sit next to someone in class, share a snack and suddenly have a best friend. As adults, it is rarely that simple. Work, family, moves to new cities and busy schedules leave little room for the kind of repeated, unplanned time together that friendships are built on. Many adults in the United States and Canada say they have fewer close friends than they would like, and many feel shy about admitting it.

If you feel that way, you are far from alone, and there is good news: making friends as an adult is a skill that can be learned. It takes some intention, a bit of courage and patience, but it works. This guide shares practical steps to meet new people, deepen connections and keep friendships alive over time.

Why making friends gets harder with age

Understanding the obstacles makes them easier to overcome. Researchers who study friendship often point to three conditions that help friendships form: proximity, repeated unplanned interactions and a setting where people can relax and open up. School and college offer all three. Adult life often offers none of them.

Other common challenges include:

• Time: work, commuting, parenting and household tasks leave less free time.
• Moves: relocating for a job or a relationship means starting over socially.
• Life stage differences: friends may marry, have children or change careers at different times.
• Fear of rejection: adults often worry that reaching out will seem strange or needy.
• Remote work: fewer casual conversations at the office means fewer chances to connect.

None of these obstacles are permanent. They simply mean that, as an adult, friendship needs a little more planning.

Step 1: Get clear on what you are looking for

Before you start, think about the kind of connection you want. Are you looking for a workout buddy, people to explore your new city with, a close confidant, parent friends, or a group to share a hobby with? Different goals point to different places. It is also fine to want several types of friends; most people have a mix of close friends, activity friends and casual acquaintances.

Step 2: Go where the same people show up regularly

Repeated contact is the most powerful ingredient in friendship. One-off events are fun, but it is far easier to bond with people you see every week. Look for recurring activities such as:

• Sports leagues: recreational soccer, volleyball, curling, pickleball or running clubs
• Fitness classes at the same time each week
• Book clubs at libraries or bookstores
• Classes: pottery, cooking, language, dance, improv or photography
• Volunteering with a local organization
• Faith or cultural communities
• Community gardens and neighborhood associations
• Hobby groups for board games, knitting, hiking or cycling
• Professional associations and coworking spaces

Choose something you would enjoy even if you made no friends there. That way, the activity itself is rewarding, and friendships become a bonus rather than pressure.

Step 3: Use apps and online groups wisely

Friendship apps, neighborhood groups and online communities can be useful, especially after a move. Some dating apps also offer modes for finding friends. Interest-based groups on social media or community platforms often organize meetups, walks or game nights.

A few safety tips: meet in public places for the first few times, tell someone where you are going, and trust your instincts. Online connections become real friendships when they move offline and repeat.

Step 4: Reconnect with people you already know

Sometimes the easiest new friends are old ones. Think of former classmates, ex-coworkers, neighbors you chat with, parents you see at school pickup or friends of friends. A simple message is enough: I was thinking about you, would you like to grab a coffee next week? Most people are pleasantly surprised to be remembered.

Step 5: Take the first step

Most adults wait to be invited. If you take the initiative, you instantly stand out. Studies on social connection have repeatedly found that people tend to underestimate how much others enjoy talking with them and how much they appreciate being reached out to. In other words, the other person is probably as eager as you are.

Simple ways to make the first move:

• Suggest a coffee or a walk after a class or meeting.
• Invite a few people from your group to grab a bite afterward.
• Ask for their contact information to share an article, a recipe or a photo you mentioned.
• Follow up within a few days so the connection does not fade.

Step 6: Turn acquaintances into friends

Friendship grows through time spent together and gradual openness. Some research suggests that turning an acquaintance into a close friend takes many hours of shared time. That might sound like a lot, but it adds up quickly with regular activities.

To deepen a connection:

• Be consistent. Show up regularly and keep your plans.
• Ask real questions and listen to the answers. Remember details and ask about them later.
• Share a little about yourself. Opening up gradually invites the other person to do the same.
• Move from group to one-on-one time when it feels natural.
• Do things together, not only talk: cook, hike, attend an event, help with a project.

Step 7: Be the organizer

Many friend groups exist because one person takes the role of organizer. You can be that person. Host a monthly game night, a potluck, a movie evening or a walking group. Ask each guest to bring someone new. Hosting does not need to be fancy; people value the invitation far more than perfect food. For inspiration, see our guide to planning the perfect dinner party.

Step 8: Handle awkward moments with grace

Not every attempt will work, and that is normal. Someone may be too busy, decline an invitation or never reply. Try not to take it personally. People have full lives, and timing matters. A good rule is to invite someone at least twice before deciding they are not interested, and to keep meeting new people in parallel.

It also helps to accept that some connections stay casual. Casual friends and friendly acquaintances still add warmth and support to daily life.

Step 9: Maintain your friendships

Friendships fade without attention, especially when life gets busy. Small, regular gestures keep them strong:

• Send a quick message when something reminds you of a friend.
• Put recurring plans in your calendar, such as a monthly dinner or a weekly walk.
• Remember birthdays and important events.
• Show up when friends face difficult moments, even with a short visit or a meal.
• Celebrate their good news genuinely.
• Use voice notes or video calls for friends who live far away.

Making friends after a move

Moving to a new city, whether from Vancouver to Montreal or from Texas to New York, is one of the most common reasons adults find themselves without a social circle. Some tips specific to newcomers:

• Say yes to almost every invitation during your first months.
• Explore your neighborhood on foot and become a regular at a café, gym or market.
• Join newcomer groups, which exist in many cities and attract people in the same situation.
• Take a local class to learn about your new area, such as a cooking class featuring regional dishes or a language class.
• In winter cities, look for indoor activities and seasonal events; social life does not have to stop when it gets cold.

Making friends as a parent

Parents often meet other parents through school, daycare, sports and birthday parties. These connections can become real friendships when you suggest plans that include the adults too: a playground meetup with coffee, a family potluck or a parents’ night out. Parent groups at community centers and libraries are also good places to start.

Making friends when you work from home

Remote work removes many casual daily interactions. To compensate, try working from a café or coworking space a few times a week, join professional meetups, schedule virtual coffee chats with colleagues and plan in-person team events when possible.

Friendship and well-being

Strong social connections are widely associated with better well-being, and many health organizations recognize loneliness as an important public health concern. Friendship is not a luxury; it is part of taking care of yourself. If you are working on your overall balance, our guides to a practical self-care routine for busy adults and work-life balance may help you make time for the people who matter.

If loneliness feels overwhelming or is affecting your mood, sleep or daily life, talking to a doctor, counselor or mental health professional can help. In Canada and the United States, you can also call or text 988 to reach a suicide and crisis line at any time.

Quick action plan for the next 30 days

1. Choose one recurring activity and sign up this week.
2. Send a message to two people you have lost touch with.
3. Invite one acquaintance for a coffee or a walk.
4. Plan a small gathering at home or in a park.
5. Follow up with anyone you enjoyed talking to.
6. Put a recurring friend date in your calendar.

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal to have few friends as an adult?

Yes. Many adults have a small circle, and friendships naturally change with life stages. What matters is whether you feel connected and supported, not the number of friends you have.

How do I ask someone to be friends without it being awkward?

You do not need to say it directly. Suggest a specific plan based on a shared interest, such as a class, a game or a coffee after an event. Friendship grows from repeated plans.

How long does it take to make a close friend?

It varies, but close friendships usually develop over months of regular time together. Consistency matters more than intensity.

What if I am an introvert?

Introverts often prefer small groups and one-on-one time, which are excellent for deep friendships. Choose quieter activities like book clubs, classes or volunteering, and give yourself time to recharge.

This article provides general lifestyle information and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.